- Terry Pratchett.

Dec 7, 2019 - Explore Marianne Thomson's board "FUNNY QUOTES & SAYINGS", followed by 243,866 people on Pinterest. 22. "Here is a test to find whether your mission on Earth is finished - If you're alive, it isn't.".

Image via quotesgram. Etc. The Office, in its mockumentary format, has made us all feel a bit better about our daily work lives, and if you need a good laugh, these Michael Scott quotes will put a smile in your face. " I tried to be normal once. The quotes are becoming really common. Inspirational Funny Quotes.

Votes: 1. Funny Sarcastic Quotes on Life to Motivate & Laugh Out Loud.

Danielle Carson. "I feel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life. "Get busy living or get busy dying." Stephen King 4.. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. 21. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Worst two minutes of my life.". 3. "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.". 28.

13. "There are three intolerable things in life - cold coffee, lukewarm champagne, and overexcited women.". Desperate affairs require desperate measures. Single For Life. 7. Whisper App. Comedy is a necessity to get through life with the fewest scars. Danielle Carson. They said, don't give up on your dreams. - Danny Kaye. As a matter of fact, they are popular over the web lately.

"I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.". "My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil.". Funny school quotes. "Hope for the Best. Charles Schulz. True Confessions.

~ Oscar Wilde.

4. 4. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. See more ideas about funny quotes, funny, quotes. The people are fucked." - George Carlin Carlin was well known for his . That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. But seriously.. It's okay if you don't like me. 3. You're. 1.

10. Comedy Quotes - BrainyQuote Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor.

12. "Sorry for the mean, awful, accurate things I said.".

We want to help put a little color to your relationship by sharing some of the funniest love quotes we could find. Whatever you do in life, do it with enthusiasm. "The purpose of our lives is to be happy." Dalai Lama 2. Best Funny Movie Quotes "You sit on a throne of lies." - Elf, 2003 "It's just a flesh wound." - Monty Python and the Holy Grail, 1975 "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. "I wish people came with a 30 . Dear sleep: thanks for trying, but you can't beat surfing the net. But seriously.. "The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary." ~ Vince Lombardi , Funny quotes about work.

"We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know." This all is part of a vibrant workplace atmosphere . "When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her." ~ Sacha Guitry. Jim Harrison. 1. Anthony Burgess. "Always borrow money from a pessimist. Some of you fuckers are making it so damn hard." "4.

"Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone." W. H. Auden. Jim Carey If I cut you off, chances are, you handed me the scissors. "I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.". You will never get out of it alive." Elbert Hubbard 4. George Carlin. There are no traffic jams along the extra mile. I can sit and look at it for hours." ~ Jerome K. Jerome.

Dale Carnegie. Faith, Time, Motivation. School is where we go to learn something from teachers but our teachers don't know our future. "Gentlemen, you can't fight in here. #1. - Samuel Butler. We hope these quotes make you laugh and bring you closer to each other now more than ever! "Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes.

If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos then you probably havent completely understood the situation.

Math is fun, it teaches you life and death information, like when you're cold, you should go to a corner since it's 90 degrees there.

2. Thank you for your patience." 3. Funny Quotes About Aging. Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. Eat dessert first. Laugh At What's Funny - Laugh At What's Sad Laugh At Me - Laugh At You - Laugh At Life - Jonathan Lockwood Huie My life has been filled with terrible misfortune; most of which never happened. Discover and share Funny Comedian Quotes About Life. - Homer Simpson.

"The simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of earth.". If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out. "A married man should forget his mistakes; no use two people remembering the same thing." ~ Duane Dewel. - Billy Sunday.

Enjoy it before it melts. "People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made." 5. Here are the top 44 funny quotes and sayings quotations for funny life quotes. My dad has a suit just like that. 7. 1.

3. 6 Andy Samberg. Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies. I'm really trying hard to spend this time working on myself. Whisper Funny. 5. Humor is the best antidote to help relieve all struggles. "Do not take life too seriously. "Our marriage was the most difficult, grueling, excruciating thing that we have ever taken on in our lives. George Burns. Funny Quote about Life From Another Perspective. - Michel Eyquem De Montaigne We like a man to come right out and say what he thinks- if we agree with him. "If a little is great, and a lot is better, then way too much is just about right!" ~ Mae West. 11. Well, neither does bathing; that's why we recommend it daily." Zig Ziglar 3. Motivate yourself: Top 20+ Chris Rock Funny Quotes. I enjoy every minute of it. "I have a lot of growing up to do. I really do try to see the best in people. - Pat Sajak 41. Something smells funny. I can't figure it out. I just don't like it at all and it's terrible.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. Light travels faster than sound. "Like a welcome summer . 29. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. Billie Burke.

"I have not . Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen. Source: pinterest.com. Funny Motivational Quotes to Inspire You #perfect quote. FUNNY QUOTES & SAYINGS. I'm opening up my heart to the idea of dating. High School looks goods on TV but in reality, it does . "I know I'm a handful but that's why you got two hands." - Unknown "Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor." - Truman Capote "If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito." - Betty Reese "Taking naps sounds so childish.

And to think, I first wanted to date your brother. Best quotes about life. 1. Prepare to die." - The Princess Bride, 1983 "Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue." - Airplane, 1980 "You're killing me, Smalls." Unknown War is God's way of teaching Americans geography. " Life is not about how you survive the storm, It's about how you dance in rain.". I know nothing, and things have changed since I was dating in high school! Funny Quotes 1.


"The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.".

- Franklin Jones. "I like work; it fascinates me. #2. "Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.". Be whatever, because life is too short to be anything but happy. - George Carlin " Life is an onion and one cries while peeling it. "Everything happens for a reason usually, the reason is some idiot.". Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. It's funny - my friends would always come to me for romantic advice. 2. Some of you fuckers are making it so damn hard.". In this collection of funny work quotes, glimpse the lighter side of work life. Ambrose Bierce "My life has no purpose, no direction, no aim, no meaning, and yet I'm happy. 2. "A woman can say more in a sigh than a man can say in a sermon.". "Not in doing what you like, but in liking what you do is the secret of happiness." J.M. Being Single Humor. In a giant blender.

1. Funny quotes create funny moments and enjoy with friends. Life is a blank canvass, and you need to throw all the paint on it you can. 3. 30. "Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. "Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed." ~ George Burns, You can also do your homework in bed! 3. William Faulkner. "Life .

Here are some of his best quotes and jokes: "You're only given one little spark of madness. "When life gives you chilies, make Maggi and enjoy it till you feel like crying.". I object!" Legally Blonde (2001) Elle Woods ( Reese Witherspoon ), in her video essay application to Harvard Law School. Attract what you expect. "If at first, you don't succeed, then . Discover and share Funny Comedian Quotes About Life.

"Do not take life too seriously. Funny Love Quotes. And when you bring that effort every single day, that's where transformation happens. I really do try to see the best in people. Sholom Aleichem This world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel.

Needless to say, they give more reason to smile.

Will Rogers. Suzy Kassem First you forget names, then you forget faces. You mustn't lose it.". Authors; Topics; MICHAEL SCOTT. How to make God laugh: Tell him your future plans.

Best of Funny Inspirational Quotes. 12. "Accept yourself before accepting a proposal from a weird guy because you are more annoying than any other person in this world.". The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets" "3. I don't hate it. "You can't make everyone happy. On women. Life is not about how you survive the storm, it's about how you dance in the rain. Funny Quote about Relationship Status

"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw.

That man is hot. 2. "I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.". Because, you see, humor is truth." -Victor Borge. "People often say that motivation doesn't last. My mum wakes me up to go to school but she doesn't know that my favorite place to sleep is on the last bench. George Carlin. I couldn't bare a second time. Franklin P. Jones. 14. 22. Life is a long process of getting tired. "The only place success comes before work is in the dictionary." ~ Vince Lombardi , Funny quotes about work. Sometimes we have to see the funny side of life in order to keep going. "If I was meant to be controlled I would have come with a remote.".

1. Funny Life Quotes I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. A great idea, isn't it? 40. That's . "Humor is the affectionate communication of insight." -Leo Rosten. But screaming fuck at the top of your lungs for 10 seconds is a lot faster and cheaper!".

Barrie ( August 1933) 2.

Quotes. Let's face itat my age, I'm very pleased to be anywhere." George Burns (comedian) "The trouble with quotes about death is that 99.9% of them are made by people who are still alive." Joshua Burns. Image via quotesgram. I have a confession to make 6. You killed my father. Lily Tomlin. -. "2. Short Funny Quotes About Life Life is like homemade ice cream: sweet and seasonal. And you know, we're just not quitters .

"All tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a marriage." Lord Byron (poet) "Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." ~ Erica Jong. "I have not . Apr 20, 2021 - Explore M T's board "Funny Quotes About Life", followed by 9,626 people on Pinterest. Life is short. FUNNY LIFE LESSON QUOTES. "I know I'm a handful but that's why you got two hands." 2. Rodney Dangerfield. When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football. However, the funny and entertaining moments you share will make you crave for each other's presence even more.

You're wearing that? 3.

- End of Thinking Capacity. There's no need to turn on the heat at the family reunion; the room will be full of hot air. 1. "I don't like morning people or mornings or people". Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut, that held its ground.

See more ideas about funny quotes, quotes, funny. 2327 Copy quote. By then it's too late." Frank Sinatra. "We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don't know.". Lily Tomlin Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. "Old age is like everything else. "Therapy is nice. Marianne Thomson. George Carlin on Planets and People "The planet is fine. 11. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with 'em later." Mitch Hedberg 2. . Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep. Scott Adams, "The Dilbert Principle". "I am currently under construction. So I went back to sleep. Pets: the family members you get to choose. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it. 1 Single Sein. "There is still a lot to learn and there is always great stuff out there. I realized that the other day inside my fort." ~ Zach Galifianakis 2.